Yesterday, my mom told me to pick up an injured bird in our backyard and move it to our front bushes. She thought it had a broken wing, but when I went up to it, it’s head was bent all the way to the left side. It kept flopping all around.
My mom said she wasn’t going to call animal control because they wouldn’t do anything for a bird. I kept telling her it didn’t hurt to call but she kept fighting me on it. So I went on the computer for a few minutes to try and see what could be wrong with the bird and I found a number for a wildlife rescue volunteer in our county. The woman on the phone told me she was at work but to pick the bird up with a towel and put it in a box. She said in the morning to call animal control or to bring it to the vets office where she worked. She said she wouldn’t know without looking at it what was wrong with it but if it was just a minor injury the bird would have been better by now (it has injured itself the previous night).
So I put on gloves and my mom got a shoebox with holes punched in it. I went over to the bird and gave it a minute to calm down, as before when we went over to it it had calmed down and tried to sleep. I put the towel over it like a blanket and it stayed still, so I gently tried to pick it up. It didn’t like that. I gave it several more tries, and at one point it squawked at me. After that I let it rest with the towel for about 30 seconds and then tried again. Again, it freaked out, but it fell on top of one of the sides and then luckily fell into the box. We then realized a shoebox was kind of small, especially because it was flipping around.
My mom went in and got a medium sized box this time and again punched holes in the lid. This box was better too because all four corners at the bottom of the box weren’t touching, so they acted as air holes as well. She wanted me to pick the bird up again, but not wanting another fight with it, I gently tipped it into the bigger box. Again, it freaked out. I let it calm down and when it closed its eyes again, i started gently stroking its neck. i dont know if it liked that, or if it could even feel my touching its neck, but it didn’t freak out, so I figured it wasn’t a bad thing and might be helping. I carried the box to our back porch and put the lid on. It had to stay outside so it could still hear the sounds of its natural environment.
This morning when I went to check on it, the bird was dead. My mom said when she got up at 6:30 she heard it moving around a lot but was afraid to check on it. I was really sad it had died. I was hoping it could have a second chance at life. I was hoping I could save it. I started thinking about my conversation with the woman and it clicked that she had hinted at it not being a good scenario.
My mom told me to bury it in the corner or our yard under our neighbors tree. She was iffy on the burial thing, but then decided it was good. I had wondered about leaving it outside to let nature take its course, but then I thought about how the bird had had enough suffering, and leaving its body to other animals to get picked apart didn’t feel right.
There’s no grass in that corner of our yard, just dirt, so it was an easy dig. I dug a nice sized hole for it to lay in. My mom told me to just tilt it in the hole, but I thought it would be nice to pick it up and place it in. I then saw that one of its claws was stuck on the towel. It made me so sad to see that because I started to wonder if that’s why the bird died. Did it get stuck and panic itself to death? Did it get stuck and then flop around til it hurt its neck even more, and then died from it? I felt responsible for its death in a way even though I had tried to save it. I had refused to let it stay in the open outside for fear of its suffering and also because I didn’t want an animal to get it, but it died anyway. I didn’t even know if it would have lived even if it hadn’t gotten caught on the towel. It may have just died from its injury and not getting stuck.
I gently pulled its claw out of the loophole and then braced myself. As I picked it up, it fell limp in my hands, but even through the gloves I could feel the gentleness and softness of the bird. I layed it down softly, perfectly, into the hole and then covered it with dirt. I started to cry because it had deserved to live. It was such a gentle creature and I wish it hadn’t suffered so much. Did it die alone, or was there another force there with it? If there is a God, did he make sure that it didn’t die alone? What did it do to deserve so much pain? Does it get a second chance at life, or does it get to fly somewhere beyond here, not having to worry about pain ever again? I hope wherever it is, that it’s happy and it’s free.
Anonymous said: PLEASE DON'T KILL YOURSELF IT'S NOT WORTH IT YOU CAN'T PERMANENTLY END YOUR LIFE TO COPE WITH A TEMPORARY PROBLEM I PROMISE THINGS ARE GONNA GET BETTER!!!! I ONLY JUST SAW YOUR POST NOW IN THE #SUICIDE TAG AND I DONT KNOW YOU AT ALL BUT PLEASE STAY HERE, YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH TO SO MANY PEOPLE. PLEASE STAY
i just dont know if i can. i cant handle it anymore
I know that when im gone i will watch everyone that i left behind. i will watch them still live theirs lives with all the chaos and the beauty. and i will wish i was still there with them.
i will miss everything. even the bad. i will miss all of the good things. i will miss life itself.
last night i told him i didn’t want to go. i told him i would miss everything. i dont remember anything that was really said beyond that. i was just not really there. it all meant something though.
he was shaking so bad. he was holding me so tight that at times it hurt.
but i know i have to go. this pain is too big for my body. it’s too big for my soul.